Fowl Behavior

Log Info

• Title: Fowl Behavior

• Emitter: Telamon

• Characters: Andelena, Barclaiigh, Drue, Kard

• Place: Granaulg's Poultry Farm - Outskirts of Alexandria

• Summary: A group of adventurers are summoned to Granaulg's Poultry Farm, where the specialty is large six-foot tall chickens, which are currently being harassed by a man bereft of clothing and full of alcohol named Benny. Andelena, Barclaiigh (and Porter), Drue, and Kard are all tasked to not kill the chickens, but to get Benny out of the pen so he can sober up. After a fight most fowl, the adventurers prevail and Benny lives another day to sober up.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-  At a glance around PrP Room: Two  =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Andelena             6'0"     180 Lb     Human             Female    Redhead with steel-grey eyes and powerful build.                           
Barclaiigh           4'5"     202 Lb     Mountain Dwarf    Male      A thick tree-trunk of a dwarf. Wavy auburn hair, loose traveling clothes   
Drue                 6'2"     172 Lb     Human             Male      6'2", human male with brown hair, amber-hued eyes.                         
Kard                 6'4"     179 Lb     Human             Male      Tall and painfully lean for a human, usually behelmeted.                   
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-  As the GM  -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Telamon              5'6"     140 Lb     Half-Elf          Male      A platinum-blond half-sil man with dancing dark eyes                      
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Granaulg's Poultry Farm. It's on the outskirts of Alexandria, and despite its rough-and-ready construction -- all unpolished wood and stiff iron fencing in places -- there's the scent of money here. Well, chickens too, but plenty of money. Granaulg supplies a lot of eggs and poultry to the nobles as well as the commons, and so a request from him, even a minor one, is hard to ignore.

Granault himself is a heavy-set half-oruch, big and powerfully built, with scars on his arms and a good one down the left side of his face. "Benny's a good worker," he's saying as he leads you to one of the heavier-duty pens. "But he doesn't handle liquor well, and it makes him... well, pretty stupid. And... well, he's gone and done something pretty stupid."

As the four of you stand outside the heavily-reinforced pen, you realize you are looking at some chickens of unusual size. As in, six feet tall. Giving you the side eye as they cautiously stalk around the pen, carefully avoiding a short little man kneeling at the back, burbling drunkenly.

Oh, and the man is stark naked, to boot. Ugh.

Andelena, Sunguard of Daeus, stands rather tall above the little man as she stares down at him, her steel-grey eyes piercing and analytical. She shakes her long copper-blonde waves of hair before she draws a breath and says, "Alright. I'm not gonna mince words here, so let me ask just one question to start: what the fuck happened here?"

Kard only very recently signed up with the Adventurer's Guild. This is how he learned about the farmer's poultry predicament. Rather than ride, he hiked the distance out of the city once he took the contract. He is not usually one for smalltalk though, so if someone opted to travel at his pace instead of ride a horse, like a sensible person, then he might have shared his name and country of origin, not much more. He tests the sturdiness of the cage with his gloved, not gauntleted hand. It doesn't seem like recent construction.

Drue caught wind of the potential trouble and the possible need for assistance. Making his way to the poultry farm on the outskirts of town, the human man finds himself following along with Granault to get more information. Dressed in simple cloth clothing that is loose and comfortable he looks to the large chickens, then to the drunk, nude man before smiling at Andelena. "That seems like a valid question." Looking to Kard he offers a polite nod of greeting before adding, "The problem here is these chickens suddenly becoming this large I'm guessing?"

Kard speaks in a deep voice, correcting the assumption. "They didn't become large suddenly. Their size isn't a problem, it is a financial advantage. The handler is the problem. He's drunk but irreplaceable."

Porter takes up the rear, his snout low to the ground snuffling around curiously until the large pen draws near. As the bipeds continue to advance, the bear stops, rearing up onto his haunches to stand and tower over Kard and Drue, both, and issues a bluster: blowing out and clicking his teeth together. A grunt follows and he falls forward, crashing down into the dirt.

"Them's th'chickens," Barclaiigh drawls back at his ursine shadow, his caterpillar mustache wiggling in amusement when he looks from the armored bear to the pen and back again. "Don't go embarrassin' me in fron'a new folk. 'Got yer nice new armor'n a belly full'a fishes. Yer a big boy now... ain't got time fer grumpy bears." He hangs back a moment and stops scratching his beard long enough to issue some reassuring, behind-the-ear scritches.

The Khazadi wildman seems content to let the others do the jawing for the moment.

Granaulg nods to Kard. "Exactly. Do you know what kind of an omelet you can make with one o'these eggs? The nobles and dandies pay -gold- for that. That doesn't even get into the chicken." He runs a fingertip along the scar on his face. "But they're particular. And Benny's the only one who doesn't rile 'em. I know, he's... nekkid. But he ain't got a scar on him from those birds." He pauses. "I'd wait him out, but he's... well, I can't wait all day. And I don't want him riling them up further."

He stops, and takes a breath. "I'd be much obliged if you fished ol' Benny out. Without killin' too many o'my chickens or hurtin' Benny. I hear tell you adventuring lot know how to handle critters without hurtin' 'em, and... well, I'd make it worth your while. In farm produce and coin."

"Okay. So you want us to get that sad, strange little man out of that pen so you can go about your business and not have to turn your... big fuckin' hens into an early dinner. Got it." Andelena looks over to Barclaiigh with an inquisitive eye and says, "Think you know a trick to soothe these chickens before I yell over to Mr 'Naked As The Day They Made 'Im' to get his ass out of here before I arrest him?"

Drue chuckles softly and nods his head in understanding of the situation. "We could work together to get the chickens to focus their attention away from someone that runs past and grabs the guy... Could be the easiest way to not hurt the animals, or, potentially keep anyone of us from dying or killing them." Looking to the group to see if they are in agreement he looks back to the fenced in area to plot out a potential path.

Kard offers, "I can keep one or two of them busy. Or I could go very fast to collect the drunkard. Not both obviously." He counts the chickens. "I could create some snares as well, might trap some of them near the edges."

"'course," Barclaiigh answers Andelena with a guileless grin. One last set of pats and he utters a low-tone command in Khazdul to Porter. The bear settles, rolling onto his hip with his front paws flat. Waiting. The dwarf rolls his furred coat back off his shoulders, revealing a new breastplate limned in a soft, warm orange glow.

Truffles is still along for the ride; the boar's tusks hanging from a leather thong and clattering against the enchanted wooden armor. Bar takes up the teeth in his sausage fingers and mutters something against them. "Reckon I can try sweet-talkin'm. Then got a spell'r two should go pear-shaped. Assumin' they ain't 'specially ornery'r pre-disposed t'peckin'," he raises his bushy eyebrows at the oruch and comes up to the pen railing. He shrugs and looks back up at Andelena. "Worst case we just use sprout gloves'n ease'm t'sleep. Even Porter knows how t'do that."

From the pen, you hear a rather pathetic voice. "Birdie want a Benny?"

Needless to say, the birds do -not- want a Benny. They keep their distance from their inebriated keeper, pacing around, twitching, and occasionally eyeing the party.

Granaulg guides the quartet into a fenced in area that opens into the pen proper, before stepping back. "Just, uh... be careful, alright? Don't need any more scars on folks."

<OOC> Telamon says, "Alright, so: what're you doing prior to going in there, if anything?"
<OOC> Andelena says, "Casting Bless on the party, first off."
<OOC> Kard says, "Going to cast ant-haul, expeditious retreat and ready a shield spell using magitech devices."
<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "Well, if I can get the time I can attempt Wild Empahty on 4 and 5 without even getting in the pen. It's a 1min diplomacy check on animals."
<OOC> Telamon says, "Alright... Barc, make your wild empathy check first."
GAME: Barclaiigh rolls 1d20+4: (5)+4: 9
<OOC> Telamon says, "Go ahead and expend any slots, then I'll drop timestop :)"
GAME: Andelena casts Bless. Caster Level: 3 DC: 14
GAME: Barclaiigh casts Longstrider. Caster Level: 4 DC: 15
GAME: Andelena casts Weapon of Awe. Caster Level: 3 DC: 15
GAME: Kard casts Ant Haul. Caster Level: 2 DC: 14

Kard unpacks a pair of devices, attaching them to the chest of his armor, preparing to go in. "Easiest thing to do would be to just drug the chickens and wait for them to sleep but... that's a lot of chicken, and then you have to wonder what that amount of sleeping concoction would do to a chicken's eggs and meat. Cheaper to just risk the scars."

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-  ATTENTION  -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Telamon has dropped a TIMESTOP!

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Kard positions himself by the entry to the cage. He will bodyblock anything that heads for the gate, but won't rush in, not until he activates one final device.

GAME: Drue rolls melee: (18)+6: 24 (tar: chicken 5)
GAME: Drue rolls 1d6 + 4: (5)+4: 9

Drue nods to the group and then slips into the pen. Pointing to the one farthest to the left he calls out, trying to get their attention just as he swings at the head of the large beasty. The punch is good, clobbering the chicken but it's still up, and probably not happy with the monk.

<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken 3 immediately charges over to give Drue a good pecking!"
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (10)+1: 11 (miss)

When Drue charges in, things get -interesting-.

One of the huge, six-foot chickens immediately stares, and charges toward him, claws scraping the turf as it lunges. The beak lashes out, but hisses past the nimble monk. It doesn't help that the damned thing is clucking angrily, and the other chickens are starting to stare as well.

GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (5)+1: 6 (chicken 4 tar: Andelena, miss)

Andelena's never missed leg day a single day in her life, and it shows as she dashes up to the naked man without an ounce of fear that he's as naked as it gets, longsword and shield drawn. "Alright buddy, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Let's get you out of the pen and we can all go home nice and happy."

GAME: Telamon rolls 1d6: (6): 6
<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken six charges Drue."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+3: (2)+3: 5 (miss)

Looks like the chickens are all riled up now. One strikes angrily at Andelena as she passes by at a dead sprint, while another shoulders its way through to try and slam into Drue. And yet, they haven't landed a blow so far. Here's hoping things go better than expected!

<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "Move 30' (thanks, Longstrider) to 10,11 (move), cast Charm Animal on chicken #1 (standard). Handle Porter to 'Guard' Andie (free). Porter has a 40' move so he'll end up with his top-left square in 7,4."
GAME: Barclaiigh casts Charm Animal. Caster Level: 4 DC: 15
<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "Will save DC15 from Chicken 1"
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20: (12): 12 (fails)

Barclaiigh has tiny little eyes that are darting around keeping track of everything. Little, semi-transparent wisps of wind play around his feet as he goes bounding into the center of the pen, drawing his spear out and holding it mid-haft for the time being. He uses the spear as a pointer, barking something out in Khazdul as he kneels and begins muttering into his boar's tusk fetish once again.

Porter comes bounding in, leaping over the crouched druid and turning to put his right flank to Andelena and the drunken Benny. The bear issues a bellowing challenge, warning the chickens off.

Meanwhile, the druid finishes his spell and drops the necklace. The backmost chicken stops mid-peck and lefts her head. It turns to one side and blink-blinks at the furry wildman. She's never seen anyone so wonderfully cocksure before.

<OOC> Telamon says, "OK. #4 attacks Barc..."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (1)+1: 2 (EPIC FAIL)
<OOC> Telamon says, "Jesus Christ. OK, 5 attacks Drue..."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (15)+1: 16 (hits)
<OOC> Telamon says, "Drue gets bit. Damage..."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d8: (5): 5

The chickens swarm the party, with varying levels of danger. The charmed chicken coos and shuffles over to brush up against Barclaiigh, clearly enthralled with the shamanistic dwarf. Their fellow chicken seems less enthused, stomping over and trying to peck at Barclaiigh, only to poke itself in the leg somehow.

Meanwhile, the chicken that Drue punched rears back, glares at the monk, and drives its beak into his shoulder, a nasty gash opening up.

<OOC> Kard will activate his armor, (swift action) +4 strength. Then I will cast shield (standard). Then I will move up next to chicken 4 (8,13) (move action)
GAME: Kard activates his Titan Armor, gaining: +4 Dex

Kard shoves his hands into his over-sized gauntlets. The meaty titan fists come alive, fingers mimicking human motion and fluid pumping from the armored carapace to the gloves and back out again. Their incongruous dimensions imply a supernatural strength to the wielder, the forearms of an ogre attached to the torso of a human being.

Kard shoves his way into the meless, trying to create a lane for someone to drag Benny out of the pen.

<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken 2 NOW goes for Barc with a charge."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+3: (3)+3: 6 (miss)
<OOC> Telamon says, "Benny attemps to Withdraw away from Andie and her bearfriend."
<OOC> Telamon says, "Also, Andie, make a Perception check."
<OOC> Telamon says, "Actually, can Porter make a perception check as well?"
GAME: Andelena rolls Perception: (20)+6: 26
GAME: Barclaiigh rolls 1d20+6: (13)+6: 19
<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "23 if it's scent-based."

Benny staggers back and hiccups. He's really not an impressive specimen, with a hangdog expression and quivering lower lip. He stumbles away from Andelena, shambling around the puzzled-looking Porter, whose expression becomes intensely curious as he sniffs after the stumbling human, nose twitching wildly.

<OOC> Drue is gonna slap back (non lethal) number 5 for pecking him
GAME: Drue rolls melee: (15)+6: 21
GAME: Drue rolls 1d6 + 4: (2)+4: 6

Drue takes that peck to his shoulder with a soft grunt. It's not a little wound but he takes it well enough. Shaking his head he dodges and weaves as the fight continues on before catching that chicken with a vicious spinning back fist that knocks it out cold. Laughing as the chicken goes down he misses one of the others swooping in and takes a hard beak right to the chest. Falling back he looks to see if they are almost done with their work, ready to fight on.

<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken 3 will attempt to pound on Drue."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (16)+1: 17 (hits)
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d8: (8): 8

The chicken flails at Drue, kicking him with claws and generally abusing the hapless monk even as another chicken is sent to dreamland. Clearly they disapprove of adventurers feathering their nests at the chickens' expense.

<OOC> Andelena says, "Alright. Nonlethal hitting this dude."
<OOC> Telamon says, "Make a nonlethal attack roll (add +1 for bless)"
GAME: Andelena rolls weapon1+1-4: (18)+6+1+-4: 21
GAME: Andelena rolls damage1+2: aliased to 1d8+3+2: (5)+3+2: 10

Andelena takes a whiff. She didn't want to, but when the man's greased up and smells like a rack of cooking bacon in the oven, it's hard not to. "Brydion's never gonna fucking believe me," she murmurs.

She lifts up her longsword and smacks him with the butt-end of her handle. He goes down for the count. "My condolences to Eluna," she murmurs.

Then she looks down at his unconscious body. The Sunguard purses her lips. "Fuck. Am I lifting this greasy bastard out of here?" She shakes her head. "I am , aren't I. Daeus's light on the backside of a bull's balls, Brydion's never going to fucking believe this."

<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken six will try to go for the suplex on Drue..."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (10)+1: 11 (miss)

One of the chickens jabs at Drue again, failing to connect. Thank the gods it's just poultry, even if it is poultry of unusual size.

From outside the pen, Granaulg yells, "Hey, don't be too rough with Benny!"

<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "I'll total defense (standard) and then do a 30' move around the top of the chickens to 8,11 and provoke AoOs from the not-in-love-with-me chickens. Bar will order Porter to "Rescue" the greasy drunk. This is a DC25 check since Porter doesn't know the trick. Bar can order for free and gets a +4 for the Druid link."
GAME: Barclaiigh rolls Handle Animal+4: (1)+7+4: 12 (EPIC FAIL)
<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "And Porter will just look at Bar like "what... did you just call me?""
<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "AC22 against the AoOs I'm provoking."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (17)+1: 18 (miss)
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (15)+1: 16 (miss)

Porter is being led by the nose as the drunk scrambles through the pen and away from the Myrrish Daeusite. The bear sniffs and snorts, turning his head and moving to follow after the large woman even as she knocks the wayward hand out cold.

Barclaigh glances over his shoulder at the pugilist entertaining a trio-- make that a duo!-- of overlarge chickens and then cocks his head at Kard as the armored fellow seems to be working up to something. With a grunt, he ducks his head and holds out his spear in a two-handed grip, warding off the chickens even as he runs a tight circuit about them. The Khazadi shaman manages to bat away a couple tentative peckings.

Then, turning back to the bear, he tries a command in Khazdul, gesturing with both arms wide and then wrapping them in, pantomiming a hug. The bear stops, sitting back on its haunches and shakes his head vigorously.

In fact, Porter instead opts to shamble over to the prone Benny, and start -licking- him vigorously.

Meanwhile, the charmed chicken runs back over to where Benny is lying down, and begins clucking worriedly, and generally getting in the way. Wonderful.

GAME: Telamon rolls 1d6: (5): 5
<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken 4 attacks Kard."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (8)+1: 9 (miss)

<OOC> Kard will grapple #4, (Standard action) CMB+5 (+2 armor, +1 Bless, +2 flanking). This will incur an AoO (AC21). (Standard action) then shift his feet to (8,12), 5' step.
<OOC> Telamon says, "OK, #4 takes AoO."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (10)+1: 11 (miss)
GAME: Kard rolls CMB+5: (3)+3+5: 11 (fails grapple)
<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken 2 angrily pecks Barc..."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (2)+1: 3 (miss)

Kard bats away a beak, letting it harmlessly scrape off his armor. The hoses of his armor pump and vibrate as he brings the clumsy fingers to bear on the chicken's scrawny nck. It squirms away at the last second though and he's left standing shoulder to shoulder with the druid, mechanical arms spread wide as if the chickens could be herded away from Benny's side of the pen.

Another chicken tries to kick at Barclaiigh, but the dwarf nimbly steps aside, eliciting an angry 'puCUCK' from the oversized bird. It would be comic if it wasn't so insane.

<OOC> Drue says, "I'll try slapping around 6, maybe keeping the attention of the chickens on this side away from the rescue crew"
GAME: Drue rolls melee+1: (10)+6+1: 17
GAME: Drue rolls 1d6 + 4: (2)+4: 6

Drue has been staggered by the last attack from the chicken. Getting his feet back under him and dancing a bit on the balls of his feet, he ducks and dodges before throwing a wicked roundhouse that clocks the large chicken that hit him in the chest right across its thick beak. It tries to charge back but it is off its game from the hit and misses.

<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken 3 goes for the Big Peck on Drue..."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (12)+1: 13 (miss)

<OOC> Andelena says, "I'm turning on that chicken and giving it a nonlethal bap with the sword. +1 from Bless on attack roll, +2 on damage with Weapon of Awe."
GAME: Andelena rolls weapon1+1-4: (11)+6+1+-4: 14
GAME: Andelena rolls damage1+2: aliased to 1d8+3+2: (1)+3+2: 6

Andelena spins round on the giant chicken. They are the same height.

So she looks at the chicken. It looks at her. She looks at it. It looks at her.

She looks at it again. Squints. Sighs. She smacks it with the same trick as she did with the greasy man that has fallen before her feet. "Where do you even get enough bacon grease to--you know what, I don't even want to fucking know," she says rather casually.

<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken six goes for Drue, after getting slapped upside the head..."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (15)+1: 16 (hits)
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d8: (6): 6

One of the other chickens savages Drue with its beak, dealing a deep wound. This is starting to get serious. Painfully so, as the birds screech and cluck.

<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "I'll move to 6,8 and eat the AoO's from 2 and 4 (move), from flank I'll non lethal at 1 (standard), and then another (free) to try and get the Rescue off."
<OOC> Telamon says, "Rolling AoO's"
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (16)+1: 17
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (8)+1: 9
GAME: Barclaiigh rolls weapon3+2+1-4: (17)+7+2+1+-4: 23
GAME: Barclaiigh rolls 1d4+5: (1)+5: 6
<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "Er, should be 1d6 but we'll let it ride."
GAME: Barclaiigh rolls Handle Animal+4: (20)+7+4: 31
<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "Porter will end up at 5,13 (top-left square) dragging Benny."

"Dang-gum ornery so'n-so's..." Barclaiigh pauses to sputter, spitting an oversized feather away from where its tangled up in his beard. He grunts and glances at Andelena, offering to Kard an "'lmost there, fella!"

The dwarf glides across the pen and away from the two pushy hens, swapping the grip on his spear and giving the animal a thump to its flank. The chicken stumbles, dazed, and offers a confused 'buh... bock?' from where it swoons on the ground.

Resuming the pantomime after a sharp whistle, the Khazad-aul tries another word in his mothertongue and this time the bear responds! Porter stops liking at the delicious-smelling lump of worthless crumpled to the ground and takes the fellow's arm in a careful bite before loping towards the gate and dragging him along.

<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken 4 tries to take a bite out of Kard..."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (20)+1: 21
<OOC> Telamon says, "Rolling to confirm..."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (7)+1: 8
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d8: (5): 5

One of the chickens takes a quick snap at Kard, actually getting a piece of him. Not much, but it stings. The clucking is enough to drive a man mad -- or at least, to order some chicken stew.

<OOC> Kard will make a 5 foot step to 8,11. Then I will make another grapple check on #2. (It already used it's AoO on Barc though. Thanks Barc!) No flanking bonus this time. So, CMB+3.
GAME: Kard rolls cmb+3: (16)+3+3: 22 (success)
<OOC> Telamon says, "OK, hm... He's going to try and escape the grapple."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (18)+1: 19
<OOC> Telamon says, "OK, so, he breaks loose."

Kard plays a role unfamiliar to him, that of living wall. It does not agree with him, and the beak snapping near his face has him leaning his head away from the fowl assault. He manages to corral one of the chickens, and cannot restrain an epithet when the other one bites him. "This was a bad idea." He doesn't hold his ground for long, hopefully he doesn't have to.

<OOC> Drue says, "I'll flurry of blows 6, for 2 attacks"
GAME: Drue rolls melee+1: (11)+6+1: 18 (hits)
GAME: Drue rolls melee+1: (3)+6+1: 10 (miss)
GAME: Drue rolls 1d6 + 4: (5)+4: 9

Drue has taken a beating, or a pecking from these chickens so far. Bleeding and with his clothing torn the monk still is trying to be as non-lethal as possible but it's taking its toll. Facing off with the chicken he's been squaring off with he unleashes a flurry of blows, only needing one to knock the next large chicken out. While he fights, the nearest tries to attack but the monk is quick on his feet and dodges.

<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken 3 tries to stomp on Drue, because he's being too punchy!"
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (7)+1: 8 (miss)

<OOC> Andelena says, "Moving to 9,10 and bonking #2 nonlethally."
GAME: Andelena rolls weapon1-4+1: (7)+6+-4+1: 10 (miss)

Andelena steps forward and tries to aid in subduing the chickens, but the one she approaches is just a little too quick for her as she tries to be careful with her attack. Occasionally caution resembles overcorrection--and then it resembles error for that effort. "Shit," she growls.

<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "Porter can drag to have his top-left at 10,18 following his previous command. So our drunk will be clear."
<OOC> Telamon says, "The gate closed behind you. Can Porter open it?"
<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "Bar will move to 11,11 and draw the AoO from 2 if it has it. Then he'll flank and nonlethal 3 to try and get Drue a reprieve."
<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "Ah! How tall is the gate. Can Porter just drop him over it?"
<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "Porter is 7' when he stands up."
<OOC> Telamon says, "10'."
<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "He will stand by the gate and vocalize, then!"
GAME: Barclaiigh rolls weapon3+2+1-4: (20)+7+2+1+-4: 26 (THREAT)
GAME: Barclaiigh rolls weapon3+2+1-4: (15)+7+2+1+-4: 21
GAME: Barclaiigh rolls 2d6+10: (10)+10: 20
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (14)+1: 15
<OOC> Telamon says, "And AoO misses too, lol."

Porter is loping through the pen in a semi-awkward, low-headed stance as he drags the unconscious Benny along. The poor guy's armor is going to be SO bruised, tomorrow! The bear makes it all the way to the gate only to find it closed. The bear's shoulder goes into it and when the thing doesn't swing open he drops the hand's army and trumpets complaint. He wants OUT!

Barclaiigh nods at Andelena as she turns to help Kard, dodging past her and scampering all the way up behind the animal harrying Drue. He gives it a click of the tongue to get the hen's attention, holding his spear like a bat. "Howdy, feller. How 'bout an ol' quiquiriquí!?" And he smacks the animal across the beak on the last syllable, sending it in a tight spiral before collapsing to the ground.

GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+5: (7)+5: 12
<OOC> Telamon says, "Checking something :)"
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d6: (6): 6
<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken 4 takes a 5' step to peck Barc."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (19)+1: 20 (hits)
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d8: (7): 7

One of the chickens facing off against Kard turns, glaring as it sees Barclaiigh lay out another of its brethren. It almost delicately steps over, and slams its beak into his back with a loud angry hissing.

<OOC> Kard says, "Stepping toward the gate, (back to 8,12) Kard will apply a non-lethal flanking attack on chicken 2 and chicken 4. Keep them distracted."
<OOC> Telamon says, "...Do you mean 9,12? Because you're only adjacent to 2 from 8,12"
<OOC> Kard says, "Yup. My bad."
<OOC> Telamon says, "Also, you flank 2, but not 4."
GAME: Kard rolls bab+5: (6)+1+5-4: 8 (miss)
GAME: Kard rolls bab+3: (12)+1+3-4: 12 (miss)

Even on his own, Kard feels more than capable of handling a few hundred pounds of chickenflesh. They still weigh less than an ogre. He presses on, gamely, unaware that he may very well need stitches later. If one neck escapes him, the other is still near. He gestures for the others to get clear behind him while wading into the morass of feathers and clucking. But he's no animal handler. He doesn't even know how to ride.

<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken 2 doesn't like being surrounded, steps to 8,12 and pecks Kard."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+3: (15)+3: 18 (hits)
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d8: (6): 6

The angry chickens -- the ones still conscious -- peck savagely at the adventurers as they move inexorably towards the gate, one sinking a beak into Kard's back as he works to take pressure off the others. Meanwhile, Granaulg runs over to the gate, and pulls the latch, opening it for Porter and the others.

<OOC> Drue says, "Hard choice, but I think moving to the exit is the move with this 5 hitpoints"
<OOC> Telamon says, "The gate IS open. Anyplace you want to move specifically?"
<OOC> Telamon says, "Double move puts you through it easily."
<OOC> Drue says, "Or actually, moving to 11,12 flanks 4?"
<OOC> Telamon says, "You can do that too. Roll attack? Add +2."
<OOC> Drue says, "Yeah let's do that!"
GAME: Drue rolls melee+3: (2)+6+3: 11 (misses)

Drue looks to the exit, see's that the mission is almost complete. There are still some of the team wrapped up with the chickens so he rushes back to the nearest and attacks. It's a fast run into a flying knee that takes him right past the chicken that simply sidesteps the attack.

<OOC> Telamon says, "Of course, running straight through will draw AoO's from the two conscious chickens..."
<OOC> Andelena says, "Bring it."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (1)+1: 2 (EPIC FAIL)
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (13)+1: 14 (miss)

Well, it's turned into a brawl against chickens--one that Andelena seems thoroughly disinterested in continuing. Andelena smacks some falling feathers out of her face as she runs past Porter and the greasy little man to the gate.

<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "Alright, Porter'll vamoosh with Benny now that the gate is open. Let's say 10,18 for top-left with Benny next to his boss."
<OOC> Barclaiigh says, "Bar will give 4 a thump (nonlethal) and then head to 9,16 to hold the line while others vamoosh."
GAME: Barclaiigh rolls weapon3+1-4: (9)+7+1+-4: 13 (miss)

Barclaiigh glances at Drue, bruised and bloodied and still in the thick of things. "Time t'leave, feller!" Suggests the Khazadi shaman, swinging awkwardly at the chicken and only managing to bat up a small cloud of down. He pats the pugilist in passing, ponderously plodding towards the edge of the pen and positioning to imperile oncoming fowl.

Porter pushes past, dragging out the subdued and grease-covered Benny and leaving him next to their employer.

GAME: Telamon rolls 1d6: (6): 6
<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken 4 takes offense at Drue."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+1: (17)+1: 18
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d8: (2): 2

The chicken Drue lunged at turns, glares at the monk, then lashes out with a wicked bite. It draws a little blood, but it was too close... and the injuries are continuing to mount.

Kard looks over his shoulder as the gate clangs once, twice, and then a third time. Seeing that Benny is now on the far side of that gate he presents his massive arms to protect himself and backs away, leaving the field of battle with the avians victorious.

<OOC> Telamon says, "Chicken 2 will charge Barc..."
GAME: Telamon rolls 1d20+3: (8)+3: 11 (miss)

"Alright, c'mon, man, let's get the show on the road," Andelena says as she reaches over the gate threshold and tries to pull him back.

"Ain't got legs's long's yers, miss Andelena!" Barclaiigh complains, warding off the oversized bird with a few testing jabs of his spear and Andelena and Kard help him back out of the pen.

The dwarf half-stumbles and grunts, only relaxing when he hears the rattle-clack of the gate latching closed in the farmer's grip. "Ah... well, speakin'a fowl-tempered. Ornery li'l cusses..." he reaches back and rubs the forming bruise where one of the beaks managed to peck through his armor.

The gate snaps shut, and Andelena just looks back up at Granaulg after she looks at the greasy, naked man on the ground for a moment. "So, what're we doing? I, uh... I'm a Sunguard, but I legitimately don't know if I should book him with anything. Do you just want him to sober up and you deal with him? Like, yeah, lewd display in public, but, I'll be honest... I'm not about to book a man for hitting the sauce and terrorizing chickens. And... dousing himself in grease."

"I kind of ..." Kard starts to say before lowering his voice and says in a more calm tone. "I kind of like them." He pokes at the scratches they delivered on his lower legs. "Not my best showing." At least a little blood is showing seeping through his leggings.

Drue is beat up pretty good but still smiling. "So the good news is, we didn't kill any chickens, none killed us and we got the guy to safety? Too easy!" Covered in dirt, blood and with his clothes shredded from beak and talon, the monk still shows his gleaming white teeth with a wide grin. "How many did I knock out? Three? eight? It felt like at least a hundred..." Looking to the group he check to make sure everyone is really ok.

Granaulg bends over Benny, gently slapping the man's face till he rouses. "Damn it, Benny, what... why on Ea are you coated in grease?" He sniffs at it. "What the hells, Benny? What are you doing?" A garbled, burbled reply. "Committing suicide? BY GIANT CHICKEN?!"

Funny, Granaulg didn't have that twitch in his eye when you got here.

"Why, Benny? What's with the -grease- for..."

Another mumbled response, and the half-oruch just facepalms. "...He wanted to taste good when they pecked him to death."

“Not so easy as that." Kard insists. He strides carefully out of the muck and checks his injuries over carefully.”

With a shunted hiss and a clunk, the gauntlets Kard is wearing become innate again, with effort each one is lifted into place on the yoke he is wearing and are once again inert, hoses still, fluids stopped. Whatever Kulthan artifice brought them to life is exhausted, like Kard himself who seems worn out from the strain.

OOC

<OOC> Telamon says, "When we submit this log, I want it known that I DID NOT WIMP OUT ON YOU GUYS. The dice HATE me tonight."

('Ed.': You tried, buddy. You tried.)

Map: https://www.mipui.net/app/index.html?mid=mz4cp4itd8q

 ===================== Current Initiative Order - Round 1 =====================
 ---Init--Name------------AOO-Notes--------------------------------------------
     19   Drue             1  Flat-footed (0 rnds active)                  
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     18   Chicken 3           
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     17   Andelena         1  Flat-footed (0 rnds active)                  
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     14   Chicken 6           
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     11   Barclaiigh       1  Flat-footed (0 rnds active)                  
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     11   Chicken 1           
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     8    Chicken 4           
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     7    Chicken 5           
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     6    Kard             1  Flat-footed (0 rnds active)                  
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     5    Chicken 2           
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     -1   Benny               
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