How to Smite with a Poo Cart

Aug 1, 2012

Chardev Summary (Svarshan): Of the two of them, this was really Srassha's story. She sulked over being forced to haul a cart, pranced at adoration, and then sulked when her own actions caused poor, poor Sandy's lawn to be filled with poo. Their relationship is a fun one, and I enjoy RPing it. It was also a great scene to be in--really enjoyed the chance to get out there with everyone! Thank you... :3

Chardev Summary (Emir): Emir's hatred of Sandy has only escalated. Also his hatred of poo! And his esteem for Mister Ironblood. (I think he's approaching fanboy level.)

RPP Note: If you were in this scene, you could add a summary here, too, in order to get credit for it. Or, include your summary in your +request. Either works. Full details on RPPs can be found on the RPP page. If you can't edit, be sure it's set to Category: Logs (there's a little dropdown juuuust beneath the editor that says "Add Categories." Use that.). - Lah

-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--<* Castle District - Feren Road *>--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-

The Noble District of Alexandria is a mixed bag as many of the nobles are 
nobility in name and title only and exert little influence over the politics 
of the city with the exception of a rare few. When Altima descended upon the 
city most nobles fled or were killed and during the Myrrish Occupation Era, 
only a few retained or regained any semblance of their title. Now with the 
new parliment in place, the remaining noble families wield most of their 
power where commerce is concerned and the ports of Alexandria have rewarded 
them well. Famous estates such as The Estates of House Telenil and House 
Alexandros can be seen here. Tall and graceful trees have been planted 
regularly along the well-kept sidewalks here, throwing shade on the lovingly 
tended lawns and pristine flowerbeds that bloom with exuberant color. 

The entire area screams wealth and sophistication, though the current 
economic boom has enriched more than a few tradesmen and guildmasters, allowing 
these commoners to move into certain vacant estates. Local rumor has it that 
this trend of the nouveau riche does not please the remnants of the old 
nobility. The bustle of air traffic has been kept to a minimum although it's 
hard to go anywhere in Alexandria and not see at least one or two Airships. 
Part of the Noble District is built into the Inner City Walls now with 
bridges and openings connecting the district with the upper class atmosphere 
of Theater Row.

-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-- Contents --=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-
Svarshan        Be a brightscale! Chomp a demon!                      0s   1d
Sandy           The HIPpest elf ever. Practically a HIPpy.            4s   2d
Leisel          Slender female in gray robes.                         44s  27m
-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--= Exits -=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-
Lady Sandiel's Manor <LS> Theater Row <W>           Mountain Road <E>
Feren Road <S>            
-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-

<Meet> You join Sandy.

It's Tariday, Aestry 31 19:03:16 1014. The full moon isn't up. The tide is high and ebbing.

Towering white clouds drift slowly through the blue sky. It's hazy and hot, and the glare of the sun seems to drain the color from the landscape.

Azog has arrived.

<Meet> Azog joins Sandy.

Hot and hazy, the sophisticated district isn't much different than the other ones. Windows open, and most of the people are outside trying to escape the indoor heat. A few children are running about, but strangely staying away from one estate in particular. The dark manor on the corner isn't open, it doesn't have the typical trees or landscaping the others share. People are awash everywhere, but there, a dark pall seems to hang over the estate.

Leisel in her light robes of gray is near the wall of the dark manor, bent over and seems to be examining something. She is on her knees and those that care to venture anywhere near the dark manor would be able to hear mumblings come from the small druidess, for she is known for talking to... things. "Now I know, its not the nicest place, but no one will bother you here. She won't even notice and if she does, I will make sure she doesn't do a thing. She likes me less than she likes you, so you'll be fine here. An no one will go pulling you up."

Azog is riding by that same manor that has attracted Liesel and her small friend. He has his own interest in it: to see that it's doing well - if unconventionally, for a manor in the city. "Hello," he calls out to Leisel from the top of his shaggy horse, his accented Tradespeak marking his origin far to the north. He looks at her critically, then towards her charge, then he grunts, possibly having come to a decision.

Not far away a reptile sits. Svarshan rests atop a rock, which rests atop the moss, and whether either of them is choosing to move first is anyone's guess. The two appear in silent competition, the reptile and the moss, one of them stubbornly soaking up water, the other...the sun.

Near him, Srassha stands. She has the look of One Offended. Her glittering, gorgeous self is tied to a wagon of some medium size. What is offensive however, is not only the manual labor...but the large pile of swiftclaw poop it contains.

And, after a while of listening to Leisel talk, Svarshan clears his throat. "Where....do you want it?" he asks.

The moss wins.

He nods once to Azog.

Leisel's attention is drawn away from the small little vine she is planting next to the wall. The small delicate vine wavers a bit as she turns away from it. "Hello.. " she glances back to the vine, "No, I don't think he wants to eat you, and I won't let him pull you up. You just get cozy in there." As she is talking she hears a very familiar voice. A smile spreads on her face as she turns to face Svarshan's direction. Instead of addressing Svarshan directly, she moves to approach Srassha. "Such a lovely creature you are.." and gives caresses in abundance. She stands on her tip toes to see over into the wagon, once again looking over Srassha, "You are very strong to have brought so much over such a distance. How amazing you are.." her voice shows her absolute sincerity. Looking over the mount's head, and looking at Svarshan, "Where do you think we could put it, that she won't see it right off? I'm thinking in the far corner."

Azog offers a nod of greeting to Svarshan, and double-takes at Srassha hitched to a cart. He considers that for a moment. "Do you think this lawn needs fertilizer?" he wonders. "The druid that planned this, I think she had planned that it would need no crap to prosper. Indeed, I think its doing well, if small animals are being brought here to live rather than turned out of the city." He looks over at Leisel again, and realizes she's not talking to a wayward mouse or rabbit or squirrel, as he'd assumed, but to a vine. "And vines," he adds. He blinks as Leisel talks to Srassha about where to dump the wagon, but he quickly assures them both, "It won't really matter. Even if she did care," he explains, "she must maintain a tone of indifference to indignity. It is a geas of some sort. I do not understand it. But it is her honor."

Adoration. Worship. Srassha's eyes go wide, and she carefully turns away at first, much like a cat, to pretend not to notice Leisel...but then her neck is being scritched, and the large beast shudders and begins to relax underneath the druid's touch.

Yes, yes. I am amazing. I am STRONG. ...the inner voice drones happily on as the swiftclaw nods her head. Yes. Of course.

I am so amazing...

As it continues, Svarshan looks towards the earth again. Some inner debate must go on, convincing himself that yes, indeed, he does want to get up. And get up he does...slowly and like earth adjusting itself. He cricks his neck one way, then the other, and blinks just as slowly then at Azog.

"Thisss is a Treespeaker," he says eventually, with a gesture of the tail towards Leisel. As though that might answer the whole of it, and everything at once.

Leisel gives Srassha a final pat and a scratch. She glances towards Azog and smiles, "Its not the grass or shrubs need it, but something needs to be done with it. And I asked them, they don't mind." They? She speaks of the grass and trees as if... "But we will need to mix it into the earth before spreading it onto the friends. Straight, it would burn them. Besides.." she walks over to the end of the wagon, looking over the poop. "Bailey has been wanting to help with something. I can't imagine him wanting to leave this at all. I suppose I could be without him a day or three." she smiles as she sees something in the poop, then holds out her hand as a small beetle crawls forth. "Did the big one let you ride? You should thank her for that, she worked very hard to pull this all this way."

Azog nods to Svarshan about Leisel being a Treespeaker. That would explain about her speaking to the plant. He comes from a very nature-based culture, though he doesn't share that leaning in terms of supernatural powers. He knows -about- that sort of thing. Well, he knows people that know about that sort of thing. He just hits people, normally. But he understands that other people do other things. Apparently including speaking to trees. "There are many things to learn here," he notes. He nods to Leisel, "Well, no, the plants won't mind at all," he agrees. "Though if it's to stay here rather than temporary storage, you may as well spread it around to do the most good." He thinks for a moment. "You don't want some plants getting jealous that some get more than others. That would be unfair. You should spread the crap around fairly." This is the extent of his farming knowledge, and he seems surprised as Leisel goes on to explain about mixing it. "You have some spell for this," he wonders.

Svarshan looks from one to the other, and settles. His tail eases to a resting-place upon the earth, and forms a comfortable sort of tripod as he subsides into stillness. His eyes are halfway closed even as he...slowly...tilts his head. "Whatever you ssssay, Treessspeaker. We will do."

In the meantime, Srassha is slowly coming back to herself, back from the land of golden scritches and continual headpats...surprise comes over her features, and then a sudden, sad sniff.

No one loves me. Ever.

Emir has arrived.

<Meet> Emir joins Sandy.

Jibbom loves all creatures, great and small. Wherever there are glum folks in need of cheering up, the Coyote guides him to be a ray of sunshine. Even when those glum folks are giant lizardy creatures. The halfling hops down the street, waving a sheet of paper in the air. "Petition! Who wants to sign my petition?"

<Meet> Jibbom summons Nymaana

Nymaana has arrived.

<Meet> Jibbom summons Nymaana.

Azog has reconnected.

Leisel begins to head into the yard to direct where the poop will go, responding to Azog, "No spell, just good hard work, warm sun and time. It will be ready to spread in no time." She points to the corner, "We can put it down over.." she turns as a small halfling comes bouncing into view shouting excitedly. She casually puts Bailey onto her head and walks up to stand beside Srassha, as if knowing the beautiful creature needs reminding that she is loved. She leans against the great mount, and with an easy hand begins the caressing and scratching. "Petition? What sort of petition is it that you have?"

Sssiiiiigh. I am adored, Srassha seems to say, warmly, happily. I am a PRINCESS. And lo, the Princess of the Jungle stands there with a probably dird-covered druid leaning against her, and getting smears all over her pretty, pretty armor.

But she is ADORED.

Princess.

Svarshan watches a while, and then clears his throat. "We need to move the cart, Srassha," he says with regret, and the swift's look snaps towards him.

Terrible Svarshan. AWFUL Svarshan. Interrupting the adoration...

The smaller reptile clears his throat, and nods to Leisel, asking her without words to get the swift moving. And then, well, Jibbom is there.

He tries not to...twitch.

Still, his shoulders jerk.

Azog nods thoughtfully to Leisel, but says, "I did not bring a shovel, but if there is a spare, I will put it to good use." Hr dismounts and walks across the lawn, joining Leisel, though mantaining a safe distance from Srassha out of respect. He peers at Jibbom, then at Svarshan, then back to Leisel. He peers at Jibbom. "Petition?"

Giant lizards are not the only ones who enjoy attention. Jibbom thrives on it. After all, one can hardly spread mirth and good cheer if nobody is paying attention! Ignoring the twitching his arrival induces in some, he holds his petition out for Leisel and Azog, beaming brightly. "Why, to improve conditions in Alexandria, of course!" The text is painful to look at even from a distance, with every letter in some other bright garish color of ink.

Leisel takes the queue from Svarshan, moving out of the way so Srassha can move the cart into the yeard. "No shovel needed.. I brought Bailey, but it may take him awhile to get things airated well." Before the mount gets too far away, she utters quietly, "I'll be sure to get you treats for helping.." and she does move forward now towards Jibbom. Her hands are yes, dirt encrusted as well as other.. probably unsavory things, she just pulled a beetle out of a poop cart. She holds her hand out to recieve the petition. "How do you propose to improve Alexandria?" She does seem quite interested.

Treats. Adoration. Srassha's head comes up, and a determined light glints in her eye...the swift surges forward with the poop cart, though, perhaps, with a little too much enthusiasm.

It was the mention of treats that did it.

The poop cart sugers, bounces, and bumbles, tossing poop everywhichway across the lawn as she makes for the indicated spot.

Svarshan closes his mouth, slowly. ...and with iron determination, turns to look at Jibbom and the others there...

...and NOT notice what his swift just did...

...and asks, "Jibbom. ...you..." he begins to say, and then pauses, pauses. "...What does the petition SAY?" he asks, finally, evidently changing, well, what he was going to...say.

Azog peers at the petition, listens to Jibbom, then shrugs dismissively. "Conditions are fine, and if they are not, then people are allowed to improve them. This sounds like people are begging others to improve conditions for them." Azog's tone is full of scorn. "If they seek better conditions, they should improve the conditions themselves." He blinks about needing Bailey, but shrugs and assumes that if a druid who speaks with plants is OK with this, then it must be OK.

Trotting her way into the castle district, a red haired dwarf woman is seen moving around people and wagons. She seems willing to keep out of people's way, when they don't step in front of her. When they do, and nearly trip on her, she lightly pushes them out of the way. "Whatch where yer going, that includes down." Nymaana says with a growl.

Jibbom doesn't seem to terribly mind the state of Leisel's hands, and the petition is passed over without a care. "Well, Alexandria's a fine city, make no mistake. But I can't help but find a few ways it could be made even better. Feel free to peruse the petition, it's quite comprehensive... my first thought was to simply get a title of nobility and make the changes directly, but I'm having a terribly difficult time selecting between the various eligible nobleladies." What a terrible situation. "So I decided to simply petition for improvements!"

The petition is, indeed, comprehensive. It proposes everything from painting the city walls in green and purple stripes to 'Free cheese on the first of every month', among dozens of other equally silly suggestions. At the bottom it is signed only by 'Jibbom Taribree' and 'Steel Von Ironblood, Bane of the Night'.

Donk has arrived.

Speaking of nobleladies...

Emir is wandering around not too far off, looking bedraggled yet somehow still sharp and stylish. Maybe working off that hangover.

Leisel seems to not truely notice what Srassha has done, or she just doesn't seem to mind at all. She takes the paper in which Jibbom hands her, then looks over at Azog when he speaks his opinion. She pauses to consider his words, then looks back to the petition. "What sort of paint do you plan on using? My friends aren't to crazy about paint. They say it doesn't taste good.. we use too much of it." she looks back to the paper again, "Cheese... hmms. I like cheese.." she takes a moment to glance up and over as a dwarf gets jostled a bit by the crowd now gathering around Sandy's estate. Her expression changes to one of apprehension. "Oh this isn't good. She hates.. well, everything. But now that everything she hates is being brought to everyone's attention.. she'll hate it even more." She looks back to Jibbom and adds, "If you don't use paint, and maybe help me plant vines, I can sign up for cheese." She holds out the petition to be taken back, a few extra smudges now decorate it.

Svarshan glances towards the paper as Leisel reads over it, and then jerks. The whole of the sith comes to a slow, frozen halt, him holding his breath...and then letting it go with a shudder. "Saaa...after the other one..." he laughs, then. It's a dry laugh, as though from the bowls of the earth.

And then he cups a hand to either side, "Srassha! Sssslow! Ssslow, girl! ..." He'd add more, but the swiftclaw decides to listen. Her head swings around, and she blinks at them all with wide, wide eyes. The cart comes to a bumbling halt behind her. ...but not before spilling more poop onto Sandy's lawn.

Crashthud.

That's a sound coming from inside of the manor houses. Namely, the one that belongs to the infamous Lady Sandiel. Crash and a thud, followed by another crashing thudding sound that sounds like its coming closer to the doorway. It's audible, anyways.

And that's when a glob of poop goes flying.

And hits the front of the door.

• SPLORT!*

Azog is entering Sandy's estate with Jibbom, Leisel, Svarshan, and a wagonload of crap. He tries to avoid the crap, from various sources, and suggests to Jibbom, "You can put the petition on the cart. That's where it belongs." He doesn't see a problem with crap going everywhere - that's where it's destined in any event. Well, apart from the door.

Azog has partially disconnected.

Nymaana makes a face as she hears all of the commotion. "A gnome to make improvements. The world must be coming to an end." Then she hears the commotion coming from Sandiel's manor and chuckles. 'I hope that isn't a tall person. Might break something on the long fall." She then groans.

Jibbom takes back the petition, heedless of the 'smudges' upon it, giving Leisel a thumbs up. "If you've got green and purple vines, I think we can make ourselves a deal here." Azog's suggestion earns a look towards the cart, which is followed by a highly confused expression. "... Is that cart full of petitions? It doesn't smell like it."

Leisel winces and turns towards the sounds coming from the manor house. She glances over towards Svarshan, then to Azog. "We best get the cart unloaded before we get told to do something else with it." Sanity coming from her, is it sanity or experience..? She moves towards the cart that Srassha is pulling, walking up to its side. She grabs a wodden handle along the side and the whole of the cart tilts on its base, effectively dumping the poop into a corner. She tries to pull the heavy wooden cart back down into position, but she just doesn't seem to have enough butt for the job. She jumps and just hangs from the side, answering Jibbom all the while, "I think I can find some purple and green vines. Deep purple.. a bit shy but I don't think they would mind taking up residence." She hangs, still trying to get the bed of the cart to come down.

Srassha cranes her head to see what's going on back there. Except the rest of her can't turn--the braces of the cart prevents this, and after a while, she looks disgruntled. Her head swings downward to regard the cart of poo with DISTAIN.

And so she kicks it over with her hind foot. RAMS it.

Since she's still attached to it. This does not go well.

The cart abruptly RUPTURES, splintering as it twists from the force of the kick. It churns, spilling onto the earth (and sort of, kind of, near the designated spot, but not really), and...takes the swiftclaw with it.

She topples with a cry out outrage, a Princess.

Tumbled.

Into a Puddle of Poo.

Her rider looks at Leisel, at the rest of them, and Dares. Not. Say. A. Word. He looks like the man faced with his anxious wife in front of the mirror, "Honey, does this make me look fat?"

Don't answer. Instead. Deep Breath. "Hello, Emir."

The sudden avalanche of poo and angry Raptor Queen halts the wayward bard, and Emir stops short, blinking in surprise. "My, what...what has gone on here, brightscale?" he asks of Svarshan, before looking to the rest of the group. "Sir Ironblood!" he brightens. "How goes your day?" There's just the faintest twitch at the corner of his eye as he tries so very hard not to make an uncouth comment about the stench of poo.

Azog reaches over to assist Leisel with the cart. Height and strength are his allies: he's huge. He's at first not sure what Leisel is trying to accomplish other than dumping the wagon's cargo ... he thinks she's trying to dump it anyhow. He's about to assist with that when Srassha overcomes the weight of the cart and the bracing of the yoke and manages to .... "How did that happen?" he wonders aloud, ducking back from the splatter of flying crap, though he doesn't avoid all of it. "Is that normal?" he asks Svarshan curiously. He looks over to Jibbom, nods towards the wagon, and says in reference to the wagon being full of petitions (or crap), "Well, up until a moment ago, yes."

Very little surprises Jibbom. Sudden explosions of poo all over the place don't seem to rise to the level of what is required to phase him. He just looks more confused that anything. "... Is /that/ how people petition for things in Alexandria? I've been going about this all wrong. Perhaps I'll have to add 'less stinky petitions' to the petition... though now I'm not exactly sure /how/." Emir earns a bright cheery grin from the halfling. "Ah, hello there! Quite well, thank you. Just doing my part to save the city. Yourself?"

The Dwarf, by then, is hiding behind a wall, after receiving a brief flash of what would happen. Divination messes with your senses in such a weird way, doesn't it? However, she peeks out and makes a face. "Ew...."

With the sudden jolt, no explosion, to the cart that Leisel was hanging from, she gets tossed as well in the process. If not for the big pile of poop, she might have gotten hurt. She manages to extract herself from the pile, and shake most of it off her person. So much for her robes...but all is forgotten when she sees the distress of Srassha. "Oh sweet creature.." but she is at a loss, for everything, cart , swiftclaw.. are all too much for her to move or lift. "Hang in there..." plop plop as more of the pile falls from her clothing.

The poo...oozes. It oozes, it stinks...it /quivers/ in places it should not quiver. And to top it off, the splot on the door gives a shudder, and begins sliding down.

The air suddenly /smells/ of poo. Of stables. Of smelly, HORRIBLE things that should never, in this lifetime, be named.

And in the midst of it, lying atop the grass and under a poo-blanket, lies the Jungle Princess. There are these...horrible brown SMEARS on her shiny, shiny armor.

She looks like she's about to cry.

"...Emir," Svarshan says, his voice choked as he stares at his mount. Takes a deep breath. Mistake. "It...is good to..." Mistake. "...see. You." Dee brea--Mistake. "There are...shovels in the shed. Could you..." Don't breathe. "Please." He nods to the red-headed, hiding khazad as she ducks behind the wall. Daren't speak, daren't draw breath.

Srassha's muzzle begins to quiver. She looks at Azog: Save me. Be a hero. Be my Knight in Shining Armor and Rescue Me from this Onslaught of Nefarious Poo.

That has unprettified my armor. Horrendously.

The bard rubs his watering eyes. "Of course," he concedes to Svarshan, before he turns to run to the shed, and fetch the shovels. When he returns, he offers them around, though he doesn't seem terribly intent on shoveling himself. Ahem.

Azog gives Jibbom a flat look, then shrugs dismissively. "You are either joking or foolish, I cannot tell which. I am not sure it matters. If you wish for something, you can help this person," he gestures to Leisel, "get the crap to where she directs. I thought there was some magic that would be used, but shovels are just as well." For himself, he reaches down to grab at Srassha's harness, apparently disdainful of the poop, and he latches on with two huge hands and plants one foot square in the middle of the pile, and he heaves, shoulders straining, lifting the stricken creature partially clear of the poop, which he imagines might have been keeping her from getting up on her own.

The first thing that happens is that the door ot Sandy's manor opens. What follows is an enormous, yappy puppy runs out the door. It's a big puppy, to be sure, but it is also still a puppy.

The first thing this puppy does is *leap into the poo piles* that have spontaneously erupted upon Sandy's door.

OH BOY, the puppy says, POOP!

One does not need a speak with animals magical ability to understand just how wonderful this discovery is.

Leisel stands helplessly by as Azog helps Srassha out of the poop, not caring that she is covered herself in the stuff.

SPLOOOORRRRCH. Thanks to Azog's strength and Leisel's help, Srassha comes free with a sickening sound that Sandy's sure to hear.

And cause the demon sildanyari to never emerge again for a million more years.

The Princess emerges, sodden and terrible, her shiny, shiny armor covered most terribly. And, to make it worse...something...awful...drips...from her sides.

She looks ready to lose it, right there.

Svarshan opens his muzzle...mistake...closes it. And picks up one of the shovels that Emir hands out. And he walks over there, himself, and swipes some of the poo off her side. Except there's more left.

"...water. Plessse tell me. There is water." And then, subdued, "Hello, Sandy." I just got poo all over your house. Yes, I know. "Azog. Warrior. One's thanks."

"I get that a lot." Jibbom replies cheerfully to Azog, apparently not the least bit insulted by the insinuation. Inevitably, some of the poo getting flung around ends up in the halfling's direction, but luckily a quick application keeps his robes no more soiled than they already were. "You Alexandrians have the oddest ideas about home decor. I mean, I'm sure all this fertilizer does wonders for the landscaping, but it can't be good for the paint..."

Nymaana has disconnected.

Azog nods his head to Svarshan, dismissing the stink. It's awful, but it's far from the worst thing he's smelled. "Druids can make water as they please, I am told," he says thoughtfully, recalling the planting of the greensward we're currently turning into a brownsward. He'll carefully brush the mess away from her mouth, aware of how that can cause all sorts of diseases if it's ingested. He'll need a thorough cleaning, himself, possibly magical. He looks over to where Sandy and her puppy have exited the house, and offers a wave of greeting, as if we weren't all in the middle of this disgusting scene. He nods gravely to Jibbom, and says, "Perhaps you have magic for removing crap from things? Now would be a good time to use it."

Leisel manages to shake herself free of the grip of terror when she thought that Srassha would be injured. She moves in quickly to help clean off the mount of the poop. "Beautiful beautiful creature, how I am sorry that you are having this. Yes.. extra extra trea.." she stops the word in the middle, cause that is what helped lead to this to begin with. "I'll bring you something special.." She glances now at the new puppy that has made an apperance. "Now who might we have here?" She is all smiles, dispite how she looks.. covered in poo.. "Do you perhaps belong to..." she looks to the manor to see if SHE is there.

Srassha jerks her head a bit as it's wiped from her mouth. Predators and their muzzles being touched, that's all. The rest of the poo contines to settle in, its globuluous form subtly saying, 'We'll be here a while.' And, 'We Stink, and We're Here to Stay.'

Svarshan assists, swiping poo from here or there along the swift, though as the oruch brings up the possibility of arcane assistance, he pauses, and glances thoughtfully towards Jibbom. He falls quiet a moment, and looks once thoughtfully towards the Princess, and then towards the lucht, From Whom No Good Must Come...

And takes a breath. Mistake.

Lets it go. "Sssa. If you...would." And he throws his lot in with...not Hell, exactly. But, perhaps close enough to it, though...the protective glint in the sith's eyes says it better not be too close. She's /his/, after all. The sith'makar are a possessive people, sort of like their long-ago ancestors.

Katja has arrived.

<Meet> Katja joins Sandy.

Azog rises up, crap and all, pulling his fingers free in time to keep them all. He lets go of Srassha now that she's out of the muck, and offers a nod of farewell to Jibbom, Svarshan, and Leisel. "I have promised to do other things, and cannot stay. For Sandy, he calls out, "We bring crap for your lawn. It will help it grow even stronger." In case she's not familiar with planting and so forth. He's not quite sure, because she seems sometimes to be a city person rather than a nature person. In any event, after saying farewell, he heads off.

Azog has disconnected.

The puppy is still rolling in all the poop! Oh, beautiful, beautifpul poop. At Leisel's approach, he sits up and barks at her excitedly and happily. Bark! Bark! Bark!

A moment later, Sandy appears in the doorway of her manor. She stops for a moment, stares out onto her yard, and just turns around and walks back inside.

No, her expression says, just no.

"Fortunately, Steel Von Ironblood, Bane of the Night, is here to assist you!" Jibbom declares with enthusiasm and good cheer which is undaunted by the horrible smell in the air. "For the Coyote has blessed me with the arcane might to banish all manner of feces! All poop shall be destroyed by my might! Behold!" He begins waving his arms, and indeed the magical waste is dispelled!

... Very, very slowly. Like, a few specks at a time. This will take a while. And he gets distracted all too quickly when Sandy appears, at which point he stops to wave and smile at her, even if she turns her back. "Oh, hey there! Did we get married the other day? I was trying to figure that out." He calls after her.

"No," Emir prompts, his dander rising again. Just a little. "That /brute/ has no respect for you, Mister Ironblood. Don't chase that harpy. It's for your own good!" He seems so wounded about it too. As he watches everyone working, though, he brightens. "Allow me to help!" Not with shoveling; no. Not exactly. He takes out his orcish straight-horn and lifts it to his lips...

The twisted, broken cart lies in the corner of Sandy's lawn. Near it, a swiftclaw stands. A swiftclaw so recently...clean. As her armor shimmers, sparkles, and the poop falls away, she gets this...

Expression.

This /expression/. Jibbom, that says, is my hero. And she looks at him adoringly, as a wandering man in the desert who has just found the last drop of water in an uncivilized world. Unoticed, and unheeded, Svarshan steps away to take a swipe at his own armor, which is still coated. And as he does, and just as Emir raises the horn...something beneath the broken cart begins to move...

Leisel is aware of much more than she seems, for she noted the apperance and the retreat of Sandy. Her gaze settles on the little halfling, then notes what he's doing. "No... don't get rid of it.. we just need water." she looks from the dog who smiles and she smiles back at him, to the poo covered swiftclaw. "It maybe we have to do this the hard way." She watches Azog leave, then glances at Svarshan. "I'll get her clean.. I promise. I've a spell for the poop on the ground, but not for washing her clean." But as she is promising the world, she hears someone shouting about a Harpy. She turns to glance at the bard, eyebrows raised. "If she comes back out, I don't think there is enough magic in the world that will fix him.."

Leisel is talking to other people instead of paying attention to ME? That's what the puppy says. The new bark is 'not fair!' before it runs for Leisel and leaps onto her, trying to put his oversized, poop covered puppty feet on her front.

"WE ARE NOT MARRIED! GO AWAY!"

That's the yell from inside of her house. More crashing sounds.

Jibbom looks at Emir with confusion. "Brute?" He ponders this assessment. "... Well, she /does/ seem overly fond of the pickle barrel gag. But I must confess a certain fondness for physical comedy myself." Sandy's yell appears to settle the question to his satisfaction, his big smile back in full effect. "Well, that answers that, then! Steel Von Ironblood is back on the market. It was a brief romance, but I shall treasure the memories always... now, back to this whole poop situation. We're not magicking it away, that's what we decided?"

"I'd sooner marry you than see you wed to my nemesis," Emir hisses, thoroughly rankled. But at least she didn't come out of the house. Of course, now that he knows it's her house... He lowers his horn and gestures violently, sending all the poop that was on Srassha to SPLAT splutter splort onto Sandy's house instead with a well-placed Presti. Is that a little smug grin? Yes. Yes it is.

As Emir begins to BLORT! an unearthly screech takes to the air. A small, horrid creature scrambles out from the cart. It's all stick-legs and all stick-teeth, stick-ears, and stick-horrible. It scrambles ungainly from the depths of the cart, and starts to run, this Tiny Minion of Hell screeching in abject terror at the sound that /Emir/ produces!

And that's when, still listening to Leisel, Svarshan grabs a chunk of the cart, still covered in poo. The chunk? Rapidly begins to fill with Divine Power and Divine Might, and he brings the Holy Poo down upon the hellbeast, smiting it into smitherines!

Of poo.

Praise, Daeus. Praise. Holy, Smiting Poo.

And Srassha continues to gaze adoringly at Leisel and Jibbom. My /heroes/!

So Sandy emerges from her house again. Standing in the doorway. "Balls," she says, quietly, and irritated. Jibbom and Emir? This is a true nightmare for her.

As Emir looks smug (and is dressed fancifully), the puppy realizes he must do what puppies must do. After licking Leisel again, he rushes towards Emir and aims to leap on him. Because muddy poopy feet have a magnetic attraction to fancy clothes.

In the meantime, Sandy says, "You know. It is perhaps a good thing I hired a crew to knock a couple walls down today. Clearly, I am going to need holes dug. TO BURY YOU ALL IN."

"Are going to do work or what?" comes a voice from inside the house, following behind Sandy. Apparently whoever it was didn't hear the commotion. And is hefting a rather sizable hammer over one shoulder. "Keep wandering out... here..." Yyyyup, she noticed now that she's seen the mess. Katja just kind of... stops in her tracks. Kind of dumbfounded. Flashbacks may be occurring, who knows. Jibbom continues to seem confused. "Walls knocked down? Were you adding a new wing to celebrate our marriage? Well, now I'm starting to feel guilty. Maybe we can make it work after all." He's in his own little world, really. "What makes her so bad, Emir? You seem like you've got a good head on your shoulders. Is it the pickle barrel thing?" The happy lizard is, of course, given a happy smile in return. He's the picture of heroish.

Jibbom continues to seem confused. "Walls knocked down? Were you adding a new wing to celebrate our marriage? Well, now I'm starting to feel guilty. Maybe we can make it work after all." He's in his own little world, really. "What makes her so bad, Emir? You seem like you've got a good head on your shoulders. Is it the pickle barrel thing?" The happy lizard is, of course, given a happy smile in return. He's the picture of heroish.

Leisel doesn't know where to look first, Jibbom and his magiking.. Emir and his Blorting.. the hellbeastling and its stick... ing, or the puppy that is coming for her and his poopy paws, or the brightly shining Srassha. She tries to take all of it at once, and gets puppy-pawed to death.. or is that poopy-pawed. Her slender self can't quite hold up, and she sits down.. yes in poop, but it was already all over her. She scratches and pats the poop-covered puppy, while looking up at Srassha. "Its working out alright isn't it lovely.. its working out alright." she grins, "I knew it would..."

Srassha leans down and nudges Leisel's cheek, as though agreeing with her. And the swiftclaw eyes the rock...? that the druid is sitting on, and maneuvers to stand beside her, and sort of mimic the pose. Treespeakers are heroes, after all.

Nearby the two, Svarshan lifts the tiny hellbeast, and sniffs at it. And drops it into his muzzle, chewing with gristle and crunch before looking towards Sandy, the hammer-giantess, and the two bickering men. Crunch, crunch...cru... He swallows. "Issss...everything. Good?" he asks them.

The squeal that emits from Emir's throat is no less than otherworldly as the puppy gets muddy poop all over his clothes. Every leap gets a new presti, as he flails frantically. "No! No!! Down! No!!!" He balances on his good leg, fwapping at the dog with his cane with the other. "DOWN."

To Jibbom, he manages, "She insulted you, Sir Ironblood! All kinds of insults! And she insulted me, and she has /no/ sense of style and she is tremendously unapologetic. I am just /appalled/ by her behavior!"

Svarshan tilts his head as he looks at the flapping Emir. Pauses, decides that indeed, everything really is: "Good," he says. And then gets out his flask.

Because it is Just One of Those Types of Days.

Whimp! The dog is fwapped with the cane and it drops down and tilts its head at Emir with a confused, dog expression. Why are you fwapping me?! It gives him heartbreakingly sad brown dog eyes.

Sandy answers Jibbom, at last, "Yes. We are going back to work. Tell me, Katja. Is there any chance that you can build a wall over the halfling over there? Where he can preferrably startve to death? It might take a while. He's sort of fat." Even if Jibbom isn't, she is *TOTALLY* calling him fat. She gives a sharp whistle at the puppy, though, "That's a good dog. C'mere, Cassius."

Jibbom is as baffled as ever by Sandy's latest statement directed at him. "So you... want to make me part of your house? Like, permanently?" He sighs and shakes his head. "Honestly, Maybe-Wife, all these mixed signals are getting very confusing. One minute you're telling me to go away, the next you're impossibly and impractically clingy. We need to have an open and honest conversation about some of these issues if we're going to make this marriage work."

To be fair, Jibbom is a little on the hefty side. At least by halfling standards.

"... I can see if I can nail him with my hammer from here, but I'm not stepping out of this house for a while yet," Katja answers after a few moments'... consideration. Then further consideration at the Jibbom's words. She looks at her hammer. Looks at him.

Katja then looks at the state of the lawn and such the hammer would be landing in. Sets it back down.

Though it's hard to hear over the bickering happening on Sandy's front lawn, the sound of children's voices is coming from down the street. And it's getting louder. In fact, it's not the random yelling and squealing of kids playing, but rather some kind of /singing/. The voices grow louder and louder, until the poop-covered group can make out some words:

Thunder rolled across the sky

Lightning flashed and giants roared

His lance struck true and fierce

As their bodies hit the floor

Nary a single frost giant

Was left upon the plains

For the Great and Mighty Donk

Had made us safe again!

"Yes. We're going to work very soon, Katja. Namely burying someone. But hold on a minute," says Sandy, eyeing Jiobbom for a long moment. "I really hate you," she tells him, before Casssius stops assaulting Emir and runs back to the front door. The oversized pup then sits down at Sandy's feet, panting.

"Who... what... is exactly responsible for this mess?"

Svarshan's face just...shuts down.

A man waving into hell.

A...

Deep, deep breath. Square the chest. Set the shoulders.

...despite being a paladin, consider blaming it on Jibbom...

Open mouth...close it.

Deeper breath.

"A missssunderstanding with the...cart," he says, urbanely. "Sssandy, I will take care of it. Leisel was trying to help...Srassha. Got excited." There. Now?

BRACE.

Jibbom just looks at Sandy with confusion, shaking his head. "And here we go, right back to the hostility. One minute you can't be without me, the next it's statements of hatred. I hate to say it, but I'm starting to doubt this relationship will work." He sighs heavily. "... So, I guess it's divorce. Which half of the house do I get?" The singing catches his ear, and he turns. "What is this? The songs of delightful children?"

<OOC> Sandy says, "Can I throw something at Jibbom?"

<OOC> Katja says, "If it's me -I- want a divorce."

A shake of the head from Katja. "Seems like it's never a normal day around you," she remarks to Sandy, about to bend down as if to pet the puppy by reflex before... reconsidering again. A lot of ideas become very bad in a situation like this, no? "People do this to your lawn often?"